Before I continue this post - a little disclaimer notice!
I am not writing any of the below claiming that one way of life - single, married, kids, no kids, whatever - is any better or worse than the other. I am writing all of the below recognizing that they are different and that is OK!
To continue from yesterday's events - I definitely got the sense that some of my friends felt I was judging their lifestyle, and I felt judged for mine in return. I've had many discussions about this topic - whether it is "better" or "easier" to be single or married. There is of course no right or wrong answer - it's always a good topic for debate though, and everyone seems to think the grass is greener on the other side.
I once had a friend make a comment to me that I needed to "get it together" (well former friend - see previous post regarding the hard partying girls), when we were sitting at the pub discussing the merits of her single vs. non-single friends. Many of the friends she had known from her small town were married with children - those she had met in university and since finishing university were for the most part single at the time. The married friends frequently demanded her respect and complained to her that she "just didn't understand their lives and how tough they were," and that the married girls thought her single life was a breeze. My argument in return was - if you expect someone to show respect towards your way of life, then show them the same common courtesy in return. This somehow warranted the "get it together" comment - to this day I am not sure exactly what I need to "get together," but I am open to constructive feedback! Am I expected to fawn over someone because they chose to get married and have children? Single or married - you made your bed, now you can lie in it.
My whole point in saying this was that I don't think it's easy to be a young mother or be a stay-at-home mom, or raise children at any age for that matter. My mom stayed at home to raise me and my younger brother and sister, and we are very fortunate to have been raised this way. However, that is not the type of lifestyle I want for myself - but I also don't judge anyone that does want that life. I expect to be treated the same way in return - you may not want to be the "career girl," but please don't look down your nose at me because I'm single, or make the comment that there "must be something wrong with me" if I'm not married with children by this age. The things I've decided to focus on have been different than most of the people I know - that's not to say anyone is right or wrong - we've just chosen different paths in life, and that is OK!
I think it would be hard to be a young mom - I have definitely seen some of my friends lose their identity to some extent, and become totally wrapped up in kids and family. That's maybe one of the reasons I'm not yet ready for that. My mom had me at 27 - I know what I was like at 27 - I was still a complete gong show, and definitely didn't want to stop the party for kids! I have one friend in high school that got married and had kids quite young - twin boys to be exact. Everything she writes on Facebook is about her boys - I can't remember the last time I read something she wrote about herself. I would be surprised if she gets the time to do anything to treat herself. I am also very close friends with one of my cousins. She too is married and has two young boys - I can't remember the last time we did something just the two of us, or when she's ever told me about her doing something on her own - maybe take a trip to Calgary to come shop and hang out with me for a weekend, or even just go to the spa alone for a massage or pedicure! I know it's tough to take care of yourself when you're looking after everyone else - but something I hope to learn from after observing my friends, and that I'll strive for if and when I decide to have children.
I am not going to lie - most days it's nice to know that I can sleep in on the weekends, do basically what I like with my free time, and can regularly treat myself with trips to the salon. But is being single "easier" that not being single? I don't think so - I don't think one route is any easier than the other, there are pros and cons to each. Spending 6 years in school to complete Bachelors and Masters degrees, and a CA designation certainly wasn't easy. Moving around the world by myself - along with a 70 lb Labrador - wasn't easy. Working 60 hours a week isn't always easy. Running a multi-million dollar book of business isn't easy. And managing a house by yourself isn't easy either. If something breaks, guess who gets to fix it? Me! Or find someone competent to do it! But at the end of the day - I am passionate about what I do, because I get to help people find work and develop their skills and careers, I get to meet all sorts of fabulous people, and I get to help my clients solve their business problems. Is all of that hard work, long hours and effort worthless if you don't go home to a husband and children?
Anyways, this is mostly just a debate I have back and forth with myself. Again, I am not saying any one path is better than the other. There are two sides to the coin, and both deserve an equal amount of respect. And that's my 2 cents!
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